Peruvian Street Toy

Do you sit around in your Cheetos-stained recliner all day, wistfully thinking about when your legs used to work? Do you want to go on adventures across the world, but are afraid about what the streets might hold for you? Do you ever think to yourself out-loud, "there has to be a better way!" while everything around you is in grayscale? Then you need a Peruvian Street Toy! The Peruvian Street toy will steal your credit card so that he can order a thousand live ladybugs with Tim, forcing you to angrily chase after him out of your house! And when you finally catch him, you'll accidentally end up on a plane to India, where you'll both end up ancient temple run by mysterious cultists! They'll force you to drink their blood and briefly indoctrinate you into their cult, but don't worry - the Peruvian street toy and that lovely blond you met when you jumped out of the plane on a raft will free you from their clutches, and you'll get to ride on really cool minecart and save the village! Dial 1-800-699-4200 to order him today, and if you call us within the next half hour, we'll throw in a second Peruvian Street Toy! This one will get his heart ripped and then burned alive when you spy on the cultists for the first time, but don't worry - Peruvian Street Toys don't feel anything!