Kevin's Relationship with Moviepass

Only a few months after marrying Paula, Kevin happened upon a beat red card with the word "Moviepass" emblazoned on it. After bringing it home and nursing the poor thing back to health, Kevin discovered that the card allowed him to watch a plethora of movies each month for a small, monthly fee. Initially reluctant to go back to his neighborhood movie theater to try it out - they had the gall to get rid of the fun-sized Cheetos last time he visited it - Kevin quickly fell in love with Moviepass, with the latter providing him with access to such seminal films as Kingsman 2 and Rampage at the drop of a hat.

So in love did Big Kev Dog fall with Moviepass, that he decided to make her his third wife (his second being a jar of extra crunchy peanut butter that he found perfectly preserved in the trash a couple of weeks before). The marriage and night that followed, where the two consummated their relationship by watching Ready Player One together, was beyond anything either could have ever imagined, and the two expected that many happy years would follow.

Unfortunately, trouble was brewing. After becoming overly dependent on Kevin's use of her, Moviepass started to adopt bad habits, such as offering a much narrower selection of flicks for Kevin to see, as well as how many movies Kevin could indulge in on a monthly basis. Eventually, after much chastising from Greg Miller, and a few dire looks from Paula and that Crunchy Peanut Butter Jar, Kevin parted ways with Moviepass, depositing the card in his recycling bin without so much as giving her a second glance.

So long, Moviepass - you'll remain in our hearts forever, along with all the movies that scored between 42 and 60 percent on Rotten Tomatoes in mid-2018.